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February 6, 2006
Sticks and Stones
As children, we probably all sang the face-saving ditty:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
In our innocence, we didn't know how false that chant was. Bottom line: Names do hurt!
The power of words becomes clear after listening to a powerful speech that leaves you feeling motivated, or when a moving passage from a novel brings tears to your eyes.
But when it comes to causing pain, the power of words may still be vastly underestimated.
"Hurtful words can haunt you all your life and may lead to heart disease, depression, suicide or stress," said W. Penn Handwerker, a medical anthropologist. Not surprisingly, those that have the most impact are words that come from people we admire or who have some power over our lives: teachers, spouses, parents and peers.
And while a bruise will eventually disappear, "words can hurt your soul," said Stephen Wessler, director of the Center for the Study and Prevention of Hate Violence at the University of Southern Maine.
Studies have found that when it comes to bullying, verbal assaults are even more painful than physical ones. "Words create fear and can be construed to contain the promise of future violence. The emotional impact on victims can range from low-level anxiety to paralyzing fear," Wessler said.
It is estimated that 160,000 students miss school everyday because they're afraid of being harassed. What's more, name-calling and other forms of abuse are precursors to actual violence in schools. Wessler, who worked as a prosecutor for the Maine attorney general's office, explained that when he was called into schools for cases of violence, it was typically the last stage of a much longer battle.
"The violence had actually begun days or months before with verbal harassment," he said.
Kids are not the only ones wounded by harsh words. In relationships, on the job and in day-to-day life, adults are also bombarded with, and affected by, hurtful words. Spouses who are confronted with regular verbal abuse develop feelings of self-doubt, low self-worth, hopelessness and depression. They may become withdrawn and angry and start to suffer physical effects as well.
Likewise, people stuck in emotionally hazardous work environments, in which their bosses or coworkers use name-calling, belittling words, negative gossip, threats or ultimatums, are more likely to:
• Be absent from work
• Lack focus and concentration
• Use insurance for medical conditions (many of which are brought on by the stress)
• Intentionally or unintentionally sabotage the workplace due to their unhappiness
A few reputation management tips from the Reputation Doctor regarding name-calling:
• You must defend your good name to maintain an excellent reputation.
Some people believe just knowing the truth yourself is enough. This is not true. All reputations, including your own, must be defended when under attack.
• You must hold the name caller accountable to end the cycle.
Accountability is very important. When held accountable, bullying and name-calling usually stops.
• Seek counseling because hurtful words enter the brain and (with repetition) cause severe damage.
The damage is emotional and reputational.
• Teach your children and all around you (young and old) regarding the dangers of name-calling.
We can help stop the cycle of name-calling and bullying. We have all probably experience at least one episode of name-calling in our lifetime. Educating others is an excellent way to prevent the cycle from continuing. Share this news with someone today.
Remember, do the right thing when your reputation is in crisis. It will be difficult, but the ultimate rewards will be great. Why? Because Your Reputation Is Everything! ™
About Mike Paul
Mike Paul is editor of The Reputation Doctor blog. The Reputation Doctor is a nickname given to him by various clients. Mike's blog is located at www.ReputationDoctor.com. He appears regularly on Fox News Channel, CNN, MSNBC, Court TV, ABC News, ESPN, CBS News, BBC, and others as a weekly contributor and expert in the global news regarding leaders, celebrities, corporations and other organizations with reputations in crisis. Mr. Paul is also president and senior counselor of MGP & Associates PR (www.mgppr.com), a leading strategic public relations and reputation management firm based in New York. For interview requests, speeches or business opportunities with Mr. Paul, call 212-595-8500.
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