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September 22, 2008
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
PHOTO: Sorry Is Not So Easy.
Its sad, so sad
Its a sad, sad situation
And its getting more and more absurd
Its sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Why do we struggle so much to say the word sorry? So simple a word, but so difficult to say. Not just to utter the word itself, because many times we do so, but we many times say it with anger, with sarcasm and with little meaning. The sorry I am talking about includes the raw emotions of forgiveness and truth. The action I am talking about includes the true definition of an apology.
In the famous song Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word by Elton John, the lyrics (by Bernie Taupin) describe how difficult it is to say I'm sorry in a love relationship. However, we seem to struggle with saying sorry in every relationship we have! We struggle in saying I'm sorry in work relationships, in family relationships, in friendly relationships and even in situations with strangers.
For example, last night while out for a friend's birthday party, a "gentleman" forced his way past me near a crowded cocktail table. The force of his shoulder pushing by me not only knocked me out of the way, but also spilled a drink on someone else. I was not happy and I mentioned to him all he had to do was say excuse me and I would have been glad to move over for him to pass. He gave me a dirty look and stood up at the table next to us. I was soon introduced to a woman at his same table. She began to dance with the "gentleman" who pushed me. A few minutes later, I asked her why she was dancing with such a jerk. Ironically, that message made it back to him during the night and he proceeded to ask me why I said that. I told him I thought the way he acted earlier was inappropriate. I also asked him, "if someone had treated his mother or another female in his family like that, how would he feel?"
To my surprise, he put out his hand and said he was very sorry. In shock, I told him it took a real man to apologize like that and told him it meant a lot to me. We proceeded to introduce ourselves and chat most of the night. Bottom line: we turned from quick enemies to new friends. I know deep inside it made both of us feel better and most importantly, we both knew it was the right thing to do. I also apologized to him for speaking with a bit of anger in my response to his push. He gladly accepted. Sadly, we also knew things don't always end that way.
PHOTO: I'm Really Sorry!
So what are the golden reputation management rules here regarding saying sorry from the Reputation Doctor?
1) Put Yourself in the Other Person's Shoes.
As I counsel clients in reputation management, I stress the importance of trying as hard as we can to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. So easy to say, but so difficult to do, especially in the eye of the storm of conflict. In my example above, I wanted my new friend, who pushed me, to understand how it felt. Not necessarily how it felt to me, but how it would feel for a woman in his family to experience what I experienced. My goal was to quickly pull at his heart to move from anger to compassion.
2) Practice, Practice, Practice Until It Becomes A Healthier Habit.
It takes approximately 21 days or 3 weeks for a new habit to form. Learning to say I'm sorry in a true apology, in the heat of the storm, is certainly a new habit which is worth it! Listen, we ALL struggle with it, including the author of this blog. Practice might not make perfect, but it will improve your chances for the healthier habit of apologizing appropriately. It helps to imagine yourself in the storm of conflict itself as you practice and hopefully when it actually happens, you will remember how to handle say I'm sorry correctly and calmly.
3) Saying I'm sorry correctly is NEVER a weakness. Remember, it is ALWAYS a sign of strength!
We live in a cultural today where morality and doing the right things are falling off a very slippery slope. We live in a world today where anger is quick to surface and patience and humility are seen by some as soft and weak. That is a lie from the pit of hell! There is true strength in patience, humility and kindness, especially when remembered and used appropriately in the eye of the storm of conflict. Hold on to truth as your guide.
As the Bible says in Luke 6:31: "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
PHOTO: The Golden Rule
Remember, do the right thing when your reputation is in crisis and seek the counsel of an experienced reputation management expert. It will be a major challenge, but ultimately the rewards of repairing your reputation will be great. Why? Because Your Reputation Is Everything!™
About Mike Paul
Mike Paul is editor of The Reputation Doctor blog. The Reputation Doctor is a nickname given to him by various clients. Mike's blog is located at www.ReputationDoctor.com. He appears regularly on CNN, Fox News Channel, MSNBC, Court TV (now TruTV), ABC News, ESPN, CBS News, CNBC, BBC, and others as a weekly contributor and expert in the global news regarding corporations, CEOs, celebrities, athletes, politicians and other public organizations and public individuals with reputations in crisis. Mr. Paul is also president and senior counselor of MGP & Associates PR (www.mgppr.com), a leading strategic public relations and reputation management firm based in New York. For interview requests, speeches, senior counseling or other business opportunities with Mr. Paul, call 212-595-8500 or email info@mgppr.com.
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